"Well Done"

“Well done.”

That was it. That was all I wanted to hear. But instead of getting a compliment, I got a warning instead. Sigh.

I love teaching. I love interacting with my students now that I took the time to get to know them personally. However, teaching students and keeping up with other responsibilities as an employee are two different things. But then again, I sensed that something was wrong in the way I viewed my work life. It was then I was aware of a couple of things this semester.

After the first quarter of this semester, I’ve realized that I rely too much on others’ opinion of me. 

My happiness comes from compliments, which, if I can be honest, don't come around often. I relied too much on happiness  rather than joy to get me through the day. I relied too much on fleeting attributes such as being liked rather than permanent ones as respect.

To be short, I depended on temporary emotional states rather than permanent attributes.

I pined for acceptance, yet at the same time I refused to believe I am loved unconditionally.

I sought for happiness while at the same time I refused to believe that joy stands through the bleakest times.

Ultimately, I was searching for validation while refusing to accept the fact that in Christ, I am already validated and loved as one of His own. Finding my balance between work life and personal life has become much easier once I realized my validation does not come from circumstances, but through Christ who is in me.

I’m still far from perfect as a teacher, coworker, and friend; but at least I know that steady, constant improvement is far better than instant, fleeting “perfection.” At this point, I’m learning how to appreciate the process instead of focusing on the result.