Lo ‘For Good’ Gak?

Before I graduated college, I was constantly asked that question. Depending on where it came from, my answers will be met with either disappointment or ecstasy. For now, I’m discovering that there are two sides to the “for good” statement.  

            Some people think that going back home for good is a waste of my talents and five years of college. Others, however, think that going “for good” is a noble feat that ought to be manifested in every Indonesian abroad. In some cases, like my nationalistic and idealistic friends, going back “for good” opened up really cool opportunities for them to directly contribute to Indonesia’s development. Some of my friends are in the frontlines of fighting radicalism. Others immediately gained leadership positions in reputable companies. I myself landed a teaching position in a well-known private school. However, I oftentimes find myself feeling an inevitable pit of regret about coming home when I compare myself to those who went “for good” around me.

            During my senior year, I can best be described as someone who had an impenetrable fervor in developing Indonesia. In fact, my feverish passion was so intense that I agreed to lead an overseas campaign that urged donators both in the US and Indonesia to vote for a governor’s reelection. That, however, did not go very well. I guess it's safe to say that that event is the last recent attempt of making a bold move.

            After graduating, I had a resolve to develop this country through education. I embraced the inner fire and effused such passion for it that I almost hypnotized myself to the notion. However, as two years passed, and I am now in my last month working as a teacher, I’m starting to have a more realistic view on things. Formerly, the term “for good” had two meanings. One, returning home and never going back again. Two— well – actually there’s just one meaning at the time.  

            Recently, however, the term “for good” has changed drastically for me. Instead of merely going home and never going back to my host country, it has now changed into a simpler form of just going home for the good of someone.
            During teaching, I have taught and mentored the students who were under my care directly or indirectly. Although I never saw myself teaching long-term, starting out my career in teaching has definitely opened my eyes to alternative definitions for the term “for good.”

            While I was looking through “Last Day of English Class” pictures and Instagram stories, I had this sudden revelation that, indeed, the term “for good” did not have to mean “for the direct good of Indonesia’s development.” As I looked through the faces I’ve taught, the faces I’ve had fierce debates with, the faces I’ve told “no” and “yes” and “maybe” to, the faces I’ve said “you’re failing,” “you’re doing fine,” and “I’m sorry but I had no idea you existed”, and the faces I’ve comforted and pushed through hard times, something deep inside me said that, indeed, I came for the good of these specific students.

            Nevertheless, I know I am not their savior. I know that countless other teachers more expressive, compassionate, and experienced than I could have done the same thing in two months that I did in two years. I know that, even without my presence, these students will grow up and mature just fine. Still, through teaching, I have learned the value of embodying compassion even though I am sapped, the value of seeing people beyond their perceived capabilities, and helping those who struggle achieve greatness in their own way. Teaching taught me that there are always multiple sides to a situation, a story, and a person, and that I have to balance compassion and austerity in order to execute the best possible decision.

            In short, through two years of teaching in the country I have returned to “for good,” I have learned that I went home not solely for the good of Indonesia, but for the good of myself, my family, and those around me. Although I may continue to contribute in a small and somewhat insignificant way in comparison to my other comrades, I believe big, national change is achieved through small, meaningful encounters.

            So, did I come home “for good”? Yes. Yes I certainly did.

           

PS: if you were my student, colleague, boss during the two years I spent teaching, thank you. Thank you for teaching me valuable lessons on balance and for instilling timeless memories that I will continue to hold on to. Cheers.